join my posse.

Hey you! if you want to follow my blog and have some irregularity in your life, click on the icon at the top right of the screen... or click on this ☞ follow me

teeny tiny shoes

So, If you didn't know yet, my wife and I are expecting a baby in June (pause for applause), and I think I may have developed an addiction to buying little tiny shoes... They're just so small!!

Here's a pair I bought today at DFO.

What if...?

So this is my Kermit... He's taken a beating over the years, but he has regained his confidence since I made him some pants and a jacket.  I always loved "Rainbow Connection" but often wondered what it would be like if kermit was a punk.  Well, I think it would be something like this...

Inpromptu flashback #2

These guys were the first band I saw live - I was 14, and they were playing an all ages gig at this shitty bar in Townsville.  Since then, strangely, I have had many encounters with them - I seem to run into these guys everywhere.  I went to see Frenzal in 2004 (i think) when they played the infamous Waterloo Hotel, back when it was a dirty punk dive.  I'll never forget that night; we were so crazy that I managed to get the microphone from Jay during the chorus of "Never had so much fun".

It's not my favourite Frenzal track, but it is one I will always remember.

Football season is over

February 20th, 1995.  A shot rings out from the study. Minutes later, a body is discovered.  A man.  His body slumped over a typewriter with a single word printed on the page... Counseler.

Hunter S Thompson.  A man who spent his life in the pursuit of freedom.  A man who inspired a generation of misguided souls to push the boundaries of conventional society.  A man who showed us that when you've gone so far that you reach the edge, sometimes it's better to go over and see what lies where few dare to go.  

So, if you're looking for inspiration in your life, why not look towards the teachings of the good doctor.

“Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives... and to the "good life", whatever it is and wherever it happens to be.”


... 

inpromptu flashback #1

Hey! it's late, and I'm drunk bored.  Here's a track that really takes me back.  Enjoy.

wisdom comes with age.

Can I just say, at the risk of sounding old, young people these days really grind my gears.

Who am I kidding? I've always been an old man in a young body; albeit this young body seems to be deteriorating at a much faster pace than what I am led to beleive is normal, but even so, kids these days just don't get it.

Now, I know that there is a point in everyone's life when the next generation stops making sense.  It happened with our parents, and their parents before them... It is something that comes with age, a rite of passage if you will.

But this isn't one of those situations.

Sure, we were all kids once, and I know that if you really think about it, you can pin-point the exact moment in your life when your parents stopped pretending to understand.  But times have changed, and although we as kids did our fair share of stupid shit, we did it out of a dire need for adventure, not because risking our necks would help us get one step closer to becoming vampires.

The thing that really gets under my skin though, is that these people are so deep into their own pseudo-reality that they have no idea how much they're missing out on by letting their ignorance lead them on their life path.  The obsession with social networks, reality tv, and internet gaming has led a generation of youth into the fire.

Video killed the radio star, but the 21st century killed independant thought.

But what do I know? In this universe, I'm the weird one.  Is that so terrible?  I really shouldn't feel so bad about the way the world is shifting, after all, I know the real score.

Yes, I would rather read The Great Gatsby than the latest twilight novel, and yes, I would rather watch a documentary, or a movie with substance over the latest bowel movement from hollywood.  And if this makes me an outcast, than i couldn't be happier.

Let me end by saying, this is not over; every lemming goes over the edge eventually.
 

My ten favourite people

Farewell.  Actually... the opposite of that.

I wanted to start off my weekly top ten list with the list of my ten favourite people, but the only problem, is that I don't know what order they're meant to be in.  so you figure it out.

Dr. Hunter S Thompson  

This man is my idol.  He got me out of a bad place.  If you have not read anything written by the good doctor, shame on you, it is all literary gold.  A prankster with a lust for adventure, and a spirit that never said no.  If you need a recommendation, I suggest Hell's Angels; one of his best.  

Buy the ticket, Take the ride.

Rest in Peace 

Fat Mike

Founder of Fat Wreck Chords, political junkie, family man, Gimme Gimme, and the finest bass player and lyricist in punk rock history (yeah that's right Henry Rollins, Fuck you).  Fat Mike started NoFx when he was 16, and damn they were shit, but at the same time it was obvious that greatness was brewing.  Hearing their fist album really gave us hope that we may one day be rockstars. 

 I was wrong.  we were crap.

Kate Miccuci

I first heard of Kate when she was on Scrubs, long before the ukulele had become a fashion accessory for hipsters.  An awesome actress, comedian, musician, and artist with a heart of gold.  I interviewed kate a couple years ago, and she told me stories of her childhood as if we'd known each other for years.  genuine, loveable, and fucking hilarious.  

Johnny Depp

In a world full of laxative actors, it's good to know that there's one that doesn't give me the shits.

One of the greatest actors of our time; I think the whole heart-throb thing causes him to be overlooked and somewhat underrated sometimes, but seriously, the man is a genius.  

Billie-Joe Armstrong

I was in a band when I was younger.

We rocked out to Green Day so much, and so loud. It was awesome.

Not everyone thought so though.  we had more than a few visits from the cops, and drove one of the neighbours to insanity.  Another neighbour threatened to beat my head in cause he could hear me playing from the end of the road one day.  He didn't though... and I didn't stop playing.  Nark.

Suzanne Pepperell

My wife.  

She inspires me. She supports me. She listens to my rants and puts up with my shit.

I don't know how she does it to be honest.  She has definitely earned a place in the top ten.

Tony Mott

This guy takes photos of rock stars. jealous? yeah, me too.

Tony is a photographer who I look up to, and one day it'd be great to shoot alongside him.

I interviewed Tony when he was touring with his latest book.  I was meant to get half an hour, but we hung out for the whole day and he spoke at length of touring with the biggest names in music.

Great day.  Cheers Mr Mott.

Tim Minchin

THE. FUNNIEST. GUY. EVER.

HERE IS A MAN WHO CANNOT BE WRITTEN ABOUT IN STANDARD TEXT.  TO ATTEMPT TO DESCRIBE HIM  IN ANYTHING BUT CAPS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED AN INSULT.  EVEN THEN IT IS NOT ENOUGH.  I'M THINKING SIX FOOT HIGH LETTERS OF FIRE MIGHT BE ACCEPTABLE, BUT EVEN THEN I'M NOT SURE.

A rock and roll nerd who has more talent than that guy you like.

He's awesome, even though he never called me back.

My Mum

The strongest person I know.  

She has been through more hardship than most people, but she always comes away with a smile on her face and a story to tell.  A talented musician who still frequents the stage after more than thirty years. 

I wish I had this much heart.

Nine... That's all you get.  To put down ten would finish the list, but I can't do that.  There are many more people I need to add, so if I don't finish the list, it's kind of like they all get a spot right?

Or maybe I just want to mess with you.

People are awesome

People are awesome.

Sure, there is a seemingly endless list of people that put a strain on my faith in humanity on a daily basis, but every now and then, someone comes along and exudes such amazing quantities of concentrated awesomeness that I realise there is a place for everyone, no matter how socially retarded they tend to be.  After all, we need the ignorant, the naive, the religious nuts, and the hipsters.  Without them, we wouldn't recognise greatness if it hit us in the face with a lead pipe.

...and sticking with the theme of the night, check this out.

I would like to continue tomorrow, with this week's top ten list, so please, stay tuned.  and if you want to be extra cool in my book, just up to the right is a button to follow me... press it... if you dare.

It's a girl!

Well, we are having a girl.

And yes, for those of you wondering, I lost my shit.

Right there in the doctor's office, I wept like a teenage girl at a justin beiber concert.

But let me just say that this will not be a day to day consolidation of baby related anecdotes.  As awesome as it is to be on the long and winding path to fatherhood, I do have other stuff to share.

I know right now you're thinking to yourself "what else can we look forward to?".  Either that or... "how did I get to this page when I was looking for... let's say... weird japanese motivational animation?"

Let me start by helping those of you who are not here to read my rant, by directing you here...

There are seven days in each week (for most people) and I plan on filling each day with something new.  Other posts may, or may not include...

- book/music/movie reviews

- senseless rants attacking Twilight fans

- tutorials on everything from how to execute the perfect moonwalk, to submarine repair.

On second thought, I am going to write about whatever is on my mind when my third glass of shiraz starts to take over.  One thing you can be sure of, is that whatever the topic, it will be interesting, informative, and definitely worth the five minutes you took to read it.  Although, if I must be completely honest with you, there is a good chance that once in a while I may stray from my initial train of thought and erupt into a narrative as bemusing as Julia Gillard's biography.... but I'll try to avoid it.

Speaking of Julia Gillard, can I just ask, why does anyone give a crap about her missing shoe?  seriously. If anyone can tell me why this is all I see when I switch on the TV, I will be eternally grateful.  Is this country so desperate for news that they fail to see the whole scandal was a publicity stunt? (yeah that's right Julia, I'm onto you).  This so called "attack" has been all over the news, but in reality it is about as mind-blowing as the "special" release of Avatar with an extra seven minutes added in.  And what is the one thing they failed to provide when planning this poor excuse for a riot?  protesters.  Take away the police and media, and you've got like six people, and they could just be hungry and waiting to get into the restaurant.  I've added the footage below... make up your own mind.

Before I go, I have been informed that some readers may find my use of similes (or Similia) has been poorly executed.  I would like to defend myself by posting a list of 50 of the worst similes I have ever read.  The majority of these were found to be content of submissions to the Washinton Post.

Until next time.... Farewell.

Mike

1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
13. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
14. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
15. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at asolar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
16. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
17. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
18. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
19. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
20. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
21. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
22. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
23. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it hadrusted shut.
24. He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.
25. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
26. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
27. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
28. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
29. “Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
31. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
32. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
33. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
34. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
35. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”
36. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
37. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
38. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
39. Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.
40. Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.
41. They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”
42. Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein’s Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances.
43. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
44. He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes woo woo woo.
45. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.
46. Her eyes were shining like two marbles that someone dropped in mucus and then held up to catch the light.
47. The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.
48. I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.
49. She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can’t sing worth a damn.
50. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
51. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
52. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
53. You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
54. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
55. Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phlebotomist.
56. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

Monday is a state of mind

Happy Monday!

No, I'm not completely insane, it's just that I don't work on Tuesdays, so while most of you are painfully settling into the new week, my working week is drawing to a close.

Tuesday is my favourite day of the week, however this Tuesday is not like any other, in fact, tomorrow is a day unlike any other day I have ever encountered.  You see, my wife and I are expecting our first child in June, and tomorrow is our first ultrasound appointment where we will finally find out the sex of our baby.

                                            THIS IS GETTING VERY REAL VERY FAST

I like to think that I will be able to walk in to the doctor's office and play it cool, but deep down I know I'll completely lose my shit within five seconds of entering the building.

In all honesty, the last few months have been the best in my life, and I thank my lucky stars every day for everything I have.  Once in a while I like to imagine what my life would be like if I never moved away from Clownsville; I think about the direction my life was heading, and then I smile.

Here is a song I listen to whenever I need to smile, and I recommend it to anyone who needs a little sunshine in their lives.

Welcome

Welcome.
Or should I say... well, welcome will have to do for now.

This is my blog.

I have been watching, somewhat silently from the sidelines, as recently the blog has taken over and proclaimed itself the new soap box; an outlet for opinion, artistic expression, and classic rants. I have been watching, as the faceless blogger has become the new voice of contemporary society.

I have been watching, and now I want in.

My name is Mike, and this may be the first and only time you read my blog.

Dont get me wrong, that last line was not meant to inspire any kind of drama, it's just that I know you all have lives to live, relationships to build, and dishes to wash etc., so not everyone has time to read the (sometimes) incoherant ramblings of a man they've never known. But for those of you who hang in there, I will try, with every ounce of my might, to give you a reason to keep reading. After all, if you don't read it, does it really happen?

Enough with the monologue, here's a little something about me....

As I mentioned earlier, my name is Mike. I live in Brisbane with my oh so lovely wife Suzanne, our two cats (which are more like dogs) Ringo and Ani, and our 14 year old Chiahuahuahuahuahuahua, Morgan.

I am a photographer, writer, and failed musician, but in the real world I work at Camera House.

My new year's goal is to write two books; one is a novel I have been working on for nearly two years, and the other, well, it's a cookbook with a twist, but you'll have to keep reading to find out more about that one.

Well, that's all for now, it's late, and my glass is empty.


Mike